Evil David Letterman / Evil Dave Letterman
Screw the Late Show! Dave's true colors shine brightest when he dabbles in raunchy commentary as a Howard Stern Show sidekick!
MP3 - Dave makes comments about things like riding Robin Quivers' "slope".
RealAudio - Dave wants to view "goodies" produced by Howard's staff.
|MP3 - Dave's heartless comment about Christopher Reeve.|
|MP3 - Dave's heartless comment about Elizabeth Smart|
|MP3 - When Dave stubs his toe...|
|MP3 - Dave's retirement plans include something near and dear to his heart.|
RealAudio - This is proof that the war between Letterman and Carson has still never been laid to rest. Listen as Ed McMahon gets irritated when Dave asks, "Does Ed sit nervously when the tough black kids come on Star Search?"
RealAudio - Dave's heartless solution to starvation in Ethiopia.
1-22-03 - Evil Dave's TOP 10 list (about Pete Townsend) is in such bad taste that answers #7, #3 and #1 get bleeped by Tom Chiasano! What was the #1 answer that got bleeped?
And the #1 thing Pete Townsend might have said to you that makes you think he's a pedophile...
That deaf, dumb and blind kid sure means to play my pin and balls
1-28-03 - Publicity stunt: Some guy with a band sits up on a billboard in Texas and vows to stay until a major talk show will have his band on as a guest. So Howard Stern got him on the phone with Evil Dave Letterman, who yanked his chain a little bit.
TOP 10 lists for Evil Dave (written by Junkyard Willie)
TOP 10 things I'd do in a heartbeat to get inside Britney Spears' pants...
From the home orifice in Pleasant Gap Louisiana, Top 10 things I'd do in a heartbeat to get inside Britney Spears' pants:
10. Quit my floundering late night gig, become pole dancer on next Britney tour.
9. Stand on my head, let Paul Shaffer violate me from behind.
8. Smear my nude body in feces, do jumping jacks at crowded Apollo Theater.
7. Brainwash Britney into thinking that my balding head is really just a nice resting place for her Colt 45 while I muff dive.
6. Make Justin Timberlake clean out my colostomy twice a day until he promises to lay off my woman.
5. Drive Justin to irreversable insanity by forcing him to pop pimples off Jay Leno's ass.
4. Promise to love and to hold in sickness and in health... until her sister turns 18.
3. Pinch off stinkin' brown loaf in Britney's purse, blame it on Justin.
2. Start up my OWN boy band called "Dave and the Queef Countin' Daddy's"
And the NUMBER ONE thing I'd do in a heartbeat to get inside Britney Spears' pants....
One word: Roofies!
From the home office in Gator's Creek, Georgia... TOP 10 things I plan on doing when I retire in 2 weeks....
10. Go on the Motel Williams show, win over hearts of my Negro peeps.
9. Commit to go on Fear Factor, back out last minute, stay home and YANK IT.
8. Slowly drive by welfare line in limo, roll down window and laugh at everybody.
7. Wipe my ass with $100 bills, then flush them away.
6. Wipe my ass with $1 bills, then give them away to people in welfare lines.
5. Surf Internet looking for scantily clad boys.
4. Rob a liquor store, urinate in public.
3. Watch that big chin prick Jay Leno fail to capitalize on my vacated audience share.
2. Listen to Britney Spears play chop sticks on my skin flute.
And the number ONE thing I plan on doing when I retire in 2 weeks... Thank God and baby Jesus that I won't have to work near that FAG Paul Shaffer anymore.
Submit your own top 10 for these...........
TOP 10 things overheard in Rosie O'Donnel's dressing room
TOP 10 reasons why Paul Schaffer is queer as a steer
TOP 10 things overheard when Jay Leno breaks for commercial
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